I heard somewhere that dentists have the highest suicide rate of any profession. I wonder why that is? Is it just so mundane, sticking your gloved fingers in and out of different mouths all day? Maybe it's the slow, smooth background music. Or maybe some dentists sit and think about being a doctor that doesn't save lives, just teeth.
I wonder if it's true. If I had an iPhone like Ned I could look it up right now. I am tempted to ask the glassy eyed punk next to me to look it up on his iPhone, but I decide against it. Good call, I think. Iphones are lame. The lamest thing about them is that apparently I can't sign off “lacePhone” because I have an lg chocolate phone. By the way, calling a phone a chocolate is so stupid. Anyway. If I really wanted to know the accuracy of the statistic I could call my sister. She has a blackberry and it is so handy because she almost always answers my calls and she doesn't mind looking up asinine facts for me. She is my personal Ben Stein and we love each other. She is my favorite buddy on this planet, or any planet for that matter.
I think there are beings on other planets. There's gotta be. I wonder if those other alien beings have pets. Domesticated animals. Dogs with 9 names.
So I looked it up. The astronomic suicide rate in the world of gums and teeth appears to be a myth. Well . . .not a myth but perhaps an oft exaggerated statistic. One of those things that people throw around all willy nilly 'cuz they heard it somewhere at a dinner party or a coffee shop. The rate is high, but it is high in the medical and health field as a whole. Turns out it is stressful being a doctor. Psychiatrists, too. They have a high rate which just plain makes me sad. They are trying to help people and maybe it just gets to be too hard to take on that much extra stuff. I actually know this to be true. Helping people can be very stressful sometimes. I hate stress. It can give you bells palsy, you know. I had the BP for three weeks and my sister still makes fun of my lopsided, half-paralyzed smile, and she didn't even see it in real life. It's crazy what stress can do. It's like this powerful entity with all sorts of dark and dirty magic tricks in its heavy bag. Insomnia. Ulcers. Break outs. Insane urges that make you snap at your friends for no reason. Weight loss. Weight gain. Suicide.
My friend Trey shot himself in the head a few years ago, but I was told he died in a freak hunting accident. I am not kidding. This really happened. I was finally told the truth when my sister was worried I would hear the real story from someone else.
I still have his number saved in my phone.